Inside the mind

To describe myself would be impossible. Try to sort through the aimless dialogue that goes through my head and figure me out for yourself. I'm still trying.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Karen Jeanne Chin



Karen Jeanne Chin, She was A Mother, A Daughter, A Sister, An Aunt. A Neice, A Cousin, and a Friend to all of you.
When I think of Karen. I think of Times of fun and times when we were little. Late night parties and carefree days.
Times when she had her life together.
There was a time that she shined in everything she did.
My sister was like no other person on this earth.
From laughter to tears, Karen allowed me to know what it is to be human.
She taught me that it’s ok to make mistakes because we are human.
She taught me that sometimes you just have to do what feels right, but just be ready for the consequences, Joey.
I remember standing in my mothers dining room and having to keep my mothers dining room table between us.
Why this specific moment you ask?
Because it was when Karen was at her best....and her worst.
It is a moment I always think of.
She was always trying to prove her point, yet she was unwilling to truly hurt anyone……….So she was throwing dinner rolls at me!
She always beat up on me growing up.
Not just the bullying older sisters impose on younger brothers.
Oh, no………….not Karen…..She was TOUGH!
And She taught me to be tough.
She was the older brother I never had.
No matter what, if I was being an idiot,
Karen would set me straight...and even try to punish me like a Mom.
It was her way. SMACK!.....Get your head out of your butt Joey.
I got that a lot from Karen.
Then time passed and we grew up.
"Mackinac Island Pudge" as she called her chubby little brother, grew to be a man and had a family.
And I still thought back to the things Karen taught me.
The times she defended me.
We once worked together at Taco Bell. She was my boss and she loved that.
We partied together after work.
We were finally the friends that I'd always imagined we'd be.

We were so close that I stood up for her one night when we went out to a bar. Some guy was bothering Karen and I stepped in. The guy swung at me and Karen ended up knocking the guy with a flying side kick because he had swung HER BROTHER. The whole family had a good laugh over that one. Karen loved her family.


She has recently been taking care of Mom, who has been sick.
She worried about Dad constantly and was always trying to feed him.
She has been looking out for Mike and Andy since they were born.
She and Cat have a connection that is beyond words. She loved to tease Cat and say "I know you know how to fly jet planes, but I know what to do when a baby gets a fever…so HA! HA! HA!


Then her life fell apart once again.
In true Karen style, she bottomed out.....and then picked herself back up.
I often times compared my sister to the Phoenix. That mythical creature whose qualities are present in certain people.
She was just one of them.
No matter how many times she burst into flames....she would somehow arise from the ashes.
And she would soar again.
Karen was a survivor. Someone who no matter what pile of poop she ended up in, she would turn it into a manure stand and make a profit from it while smiling.
I truly believe that Karen is ok now.
I know that Karen would not miss her final performance.
She is here with us.
She will stay far beyond the final curtain.
In true Karen style.
Each and every one of you that knows my sister will know exactly what I'm talking about.
Years from now you will come across something or have a moment and think back to her. You will hear her voice say to you in whatever tone that fits the situation. She will speak to you louder than your own voice.
She will say to you...I love you.

In all of her years on this earth, she was never short of love. Nor voice. Karen as outspoken as she was, always had something to say about whatever the subject was.
She was the family comedian. No matter how hard I tried, I was still the little brother, and could never quite zing her like she zinged me.
I remember the last few times I saw her. I remember being so hurt looking at her thinking to myself that I just wanted her to be ok. She was struggling.
As I looked at her in the hospital she was so peaceful....
I knew she finally was not worried. She was not upset. She was not alone any more.
She was at peace after years of chaos and too much pain.
She is in Gods hands now.
No more worries, Karen.
God felt it was her time to feel the everlasting bliss of heaven.
She will never be troubled by the demons that tormented her.
But Karen, I shall never be the same without you.
My WONDER CHIN POWERS will no longer activate without you.
My Golden condor will never fly.
Building Lego cities will never be the same.
I have to bury the one who stood beside me when I could not stand alone.
Karen, You once carried me into the hospital, all 4 foot nothing of you....helping me walk. I lived because you made me go to the doctor.
Life without my little twin will never be the same. I cannot look into the mirror without seeing you looking back at me and then making a face at me. Always, trying to get me to smile.
Even now....crying inside, as I read this, I think back to our childhood.
I wanted nothing more than to be your buddy.
At one time you were my best friend.
Mom says be strong, so I have to.
Dad can barely speak and he doesn’t need to.
Your brothers shall be strong for you Karen...Just like the last time you went to Holy Communion when Mike and Andy took you and helped guide you to the altar when you were too weak.
And when no one is looking we all shall be weak, with missing you.
You always looked out for us, now its our turn and we will celebrate you, bury your body and say goodbye until we meet again in heaven.
I love you. Sis.

3 comments:

Mona said...

You spoke of her with such love in your voice, you carried her with love, respect and reverence to her grave. You have done all that you can for her for now.

Be strong, Son. Make her proud.
Love,
Mom

Anonymous said...

Joey

knowing you like i know myself i hold strong to the fact that you will do great things. No longer for yourself but like me for the one that we have lost. Karen IS so very proud of you. And will continue to be because in the back of your mind you will always know that if you do the worng thing karen will kick your ass. In times things will get easier. Everyday your steps will get bigger because the people that we loved and loved us so tirelessly would not want us to slow down our pace or take the easy road. Karen and Korey are with us in every step we take shaking their heads and laughing when we do something completely ignorant which we will do probably several time cause thats our way. You are my family I am Always here and not going anywhere. When ever you need a shoulder or a good laugh at someone call im sure ill have plenty to share with you. You are strong I know cause we are the SAME. You do and will continue to make her proud i know Im proud of you. I dont say it often enough but i think it all the time. We've made mistakes but we have learned from them and that my love is what life is about. Now Live hard slow down and remaniss and then pick up the pace again. cause in the end well all be together and im sure things will be thrown. and we will laugh our asses off and drink till we cant stand and then take turns throwing up. and when that happens it will Snow in michigan cause ive decided thats what snow is. Too much parting in heaven. Thats why it has been so crappy the past couple days Karen and Kor are living it up. while we wollow just like they would have dont here.

Call me if you need me
Love you always
Marcie

Anonymous said...

our prayers and thoughts are with you guys. Karen will forever be missed by all.

E